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This was in an email from my Mother in law....Hahaaaaa...... Had to come back and add it!
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat cover s' (invented by some one's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.' In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.' To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN<> there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT . It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you ha d taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.' By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water th
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A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!
Night All.......................
22 comments:
I have been watching the weather channel and had to see if you are in the path of Ike. Looks like you will be safe. I will say prayers for you, hubby, Crystal, her kiddos, and Mr. T.
Please be safe. Love you, sweetie.
BE SAFE!!!!! Love you guys!!!!
Prayers all around for all those in the path. We are getting tornado watches and a lot of flooding even over here in MS.
Been thinking about you. Hope Texas is in good shape for this.
I hope you will all be alright and the hurricaine doesn't cause to much damage.
I love the toilet story! Too true:)
l,
Amanda x
Oh Donna...This waiting and a watching must be nerve shattering....Even here in Oz I keep checkin' up on you...Stay safe my lovely Blog Buddy.
That toilet story nearly made me wet my pants...Love toilet humour and thatwas a cracker!!!
Stay safe and hopefully connected,Will be thinking of you
Thinking of you all; It is a worrying time for you at this time of year with all that wild weather about. Keep safe.
Thanks for your recent comments on my site; I didn't respond to you last week as I was away on a cycling/camping trip. I had my laptop, but my wireless internet connection was slow and I had to conserve power.
I pray that you will all be ok over there ~ thinking of you!!
That toilet story is soooo funny ~ thank you for making me laugh.
love and big hugs XXXX
You could still get a lot of rain and some wind, couldn't you? Stay safe down there! I've been watching Ike's track and it looks like it just might miss eastern Arkansas, I hope so, they are so busy in the fields and don't need rain right now.
Thanks for stopping by my blog
:-)
I hope Ike doesn't hit you too hard. I know he's a BIG storm. We live in Hot Springs, AR, so we will be getting some heavy rains from Ike. We are out of town though until Monday, so we will miss the worst of it.
I have taken "the stance" over many public toilets and had my legs start shaking. What an ordeal we ladies go through!!
I call all toilets that are not my own "foreign toilets."
:-)
Dawn- Thanks Sweetie!!hughugs
Jenn- We Will!!hughugs
Eve- Stay safe girl!!hughugs
Ac- Haaa...Never in Good enough shape!!hughugs
Amanda- Had to come back and add that!!hahaaa..hughugs
Cupcake- We've "batten down those hatches"!!hughugs
Gordon- Thanks Gordon..Knew you were out and about!!hughugs
Tabitha- Cute, isn't it!hahaa...hughugs
Brenda- It looks like it'll just miss you!! Maybe a little rain?? I pray not a lot...Stay safe sweetie!!hughugs
Jamie- Thanks Sweetie! Arkansas will certainly be getting some rain from this! Take care coming home!!hughugs
I have seen that poem before... it just gets funnier. Be safe.
*HUGS*
Take care!!! Hope it all blows over.
Your toilet story made me fall about laughing. I have thighs like steel because my mother made me squat over toilets as a child...can hold the position for days. It has come in handy here in PNG where clean toilets are an oxymoron!!!!
I am keeping everyone in the path of the hurricane in my prayers. I hope wveryone stays safe.
On a happier note, thanks for the laugh about public toilets. I actually did fall back on a wet toilet seat once. Had a gross feeling tusch for the rest of the night!!
God bless you all and keep you all safe.
I enjoyed the restroom story LOL
I am praying for you.I am sure that the Lord will protect you.
I hope he'll protect the whole Texas as well.This terrible storm is mentioned even in the Norwegian media, and I guess all over the world.
You have to lock doors and windows, and stay inside the house.
Take care! God bless you!
Watching and waiting and praying for all you Texans. Take.good.care.
p.s. I nearly peed my pants reading about the 'rest'room!
xxxx
Take care and be safe!
That is the funnies bathroom story! I think we can all relate!
Hugs,
Donna
Oh my... that story made me laugh till tears came! My husband walked from the other end of the house to see what the hysterical laughing was all about! I needed a good laugh!
On a more serious note:
You, and all who are still in the path of the storm, are in my prayers!
Blessings!
Nita Jo
Was watching the progress of Ike with you in mind - my only friend in Texas! Lovely loo story - only a woman could get it that right! M xx
Dodged that bullet huh!! Thank goodness. And that email your MIL sent almost made me pee MY pants laughing. SO TRUE!!!!!
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