Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I Love This Doctor!!!...Hahaaa...

I love this Doctor !

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q:Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q:How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q:What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q:Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND......For those of you who watch what you eat , here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

HAhahahaaa.....Oh Goodness....
Have a Wonderful Tuesday Everyone!


SOUL said...

i LOVE this!!! :))

happy tuesday-

(ps-- apparently , you don't know who i was talking about-- so that's good.)


Donna said...

Brenda- No, I didn't recognise her name...Hope You are having a Happy day today Sweetie!!hughugs

Anvilcloud said...

Pretty funny.

I intend not to die in perfect health.

Donna said...

Now where can I get a glass like that?!

LauraBelle said...

YOU are a funny lady! LOVE your sense of humor!! BIG {{huggz!}}

Sharon said...

What a cack! Living 'down under' and speaking Australian everything we eat and drink bypasses our stomach. And everything that you eat in company is calorie free :-)


jenn said...

Too funny!!!

Janice said...

I was seriously thinking about needing to loose some weight, but after that, I'm having second thoughts!!!LOL

Faery said...

Ha ha haa haa ha I love this post I'll try to follow this guide, it makes sense to me :)
and thanks God my English is hyper bad :)) Level 4 bye bye

Dick said...

Wooooooow, I like the doctor

Unknown said...

I NEEDED to read this today! hahahahahahaha!

Maybe it's all of the reduced fat, sugar free food Americans eat that causes heart attacks (we consume TWICE as much if we know our food has HALF the calories!)

kimberly said...

love.love.love this post.....and i have always loved that little paragraph.."life should not be a journey........"
thanks for the laughs today!

Gordon said...

I think I'll go to 'your' doctor. LOL.