Sunday, February 28, 2010

How To Give A Pill to a Cat!

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process..

3.. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe... Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to Humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon.. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges... Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour a shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek, and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the darn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little sucker's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of waterdown throat to wash pill down...
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while the Doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect hell-bent mutant cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any puppies.
How To Give A Dog A Pill.....

1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air

Recieved this in an email...


Anvilcloud said...

I've tried the former; it's not something for the faint of heart.

Daniela said...

Oh my stars, that is so flippin' funny. I lol'd so loud that I think you probably heard me all the way over there in Texas.

Lynn said...

Hysterical! Called hubby into computer room to read the instructions.

In my house it is quite simple to give pills to dog. Dip or wrap it in peanut butter. Make sure enough peanut butter is on several fingers so the other dog that does not need a pill can get his/her share.

Donna said...

So true, ROFL! And you have to toss the pill to the dog because he'll take your fingers off trying to get to the bacon otherwise!

Anonymous said...

That's brilliant, Donna xx

Jeanette said...

I've seen something like this before! It is so hilarious! As a person who is owned by six cats I can attest!!

JunieRose2005 said...

;0 These were very funny!



SOUL said...

you must know that this caused me a belly laugh , and much side pain to boot !!
but it is soo funny it was worth it !!
i have cats and dogs and have been through both scenarios -- so true --

ya really gotta love these stupid things to do what we do eh-- much tougher than a few diapers and snotty noses eh?

geesh-- you crack me up !

happy monday -
big hugz

Anonymous said...

I've read this before but always enjoy it..especially with the great photos..priceless!

Donna said...

Isn't this the most truthful thing you've ever read??Hahahaa...

Donna said...


Ann said...

Not only is this hysterical but it's true too.

SquirrelQueen said...

OMG! I didn't know anyone was watching the last time I gave my cat a pill!

That is hysterical and anyone who owns a cat knows it's not far from the truth.

Karen M said...

I thought you actually did this for about half the funny!!!!

And how true!!!!!

Love my kitties though!

Karen M said...

I thought you actually did this for about half the funny!!!!

And how true!!!!!

Love my kitties though!

Chicken Boys said...

That was cute. Of course, both my cats and my dogs love sliced American cheese. So, anything wrapped in that will go down the tubes.

Dick said...

Ha, I recognize all those things, very true.

Faery said...

HAHAHAHA HAHAHA AHAHAH how could I lived with my cat without this advises!
The dogs, well I mimic the action of eating something,they watch then I offer them the pill and they eat the pill.

Sandy Trefger said...

This was super funny. Enjoyed it immensely and it is all so true. LOL